In 2010, I heard of lady, a missionary, Heidi Baker, who has living out all I had imagined, in the war torn, famine ridden, orphan-full streets of Mozambique and my heart leapt. She was witnessing miraculous provision, healings and hope birthed in one of the most destitute places in the world, because she and her husband had been willing to give up everything to serve and love on “the least of these.” When I heard she had opened a school (Iris Harvest Schools), I committed in my heart to one day go there and learn.

Well, between 2010 and now, a lot of neat and not neat things have happened that have meant that dream has been left percolating. Neat things - my three children, rebuild and community development work in Vanuatu and the Pacific, two feature films, setting up home in Pikowai…; not neat things - chronic back pain, covid and cancer. As with all of life, there has been the sweet and the bitter intermingled in each season. Sometimes dreams take their time in manifesting. Sometimes it’s the very process of pursuing dreams that prepares, shapes and refines us. I’ve heard it said “between the promise and the palace is the process.” And yet, despite the passing of time, the triumphs and the struggles, the changes and adjustments in direction, that dream of attending an Iris Harvest School, that commitment, has held firm.

On so, as my year of gifted time dawned, after the cancer treatment of 2024, I said to Anton, this is the year we go! No more waiting. No more delays. And on the 13 Oct, we took flight (30+ hours)to this school. Not to Mozambique (horrific terrorist activity near by has made it too risky to run a school there at the moment), but to an Iris Harvest School in Portugal. It’s both entirely rewarding and wonderful and also somewhat heart breaking.

Each day we are hearing stories from wonderful people who have dedicated their lives to bringing good news to the lost, broken, abused, neglected, enslaved and forgotten all around the world, with such beautiful and profound results. I am humbled by their lives, their visions, their commitment, their grace and their love. And frustrated that my childhood hopes have not found fulfillment in the same way theirs have. That they have, somehow, been waylaid.

And so I sit with a challenge that every student here sits with… what is our ‘gifted time’ used for? Not everyone here has had cancer, but every person here has a finite time on earth. Do we use this time to serve ourselves or others? Do we use it to surround ourselves in comfort and convenience or are we motivated by love for the one with less than ourselves? Obviously, with it being a mission school, most people here are motivated by the same thing, which is really fun. But there are also a lot of families here, people like me, who have been waiting a long time to pursue their dream and have yet to live in the fullness of all they’ve felt for their lives.

One of the most impactful teachings I’ve heard so far was about the gap that exists between our reality and our hopes and dreams. How, in this space between reality and hopes, either disappointment or faith can grow, depending on what we cultivate. This hit home. Over the years my dreams have felt so distant from my reality, and there has been the opportunity for disappointment to strangle my hopes and push them further away. Even being here now, I am faced with the challenge of accepting and grieving the disappointment of deferred dreams and the lack of momentum I feel in those areas. But I mustn’t linger here too long, I must also revitalise hope for the future - have faith that, despite the obstacles, the challenges, the limitations, and the disappointments, there are things worth believing for, believing in. Without vision the people perish.

And so, with six weeks left here at the school, I want to grieve the disappointments of the past and find faith for new dreams, new hopes and aspirations to be born. With the limitations of my life (cancer certainly being one of them), I want to relook at the canvas of my life and dream of new colours and hues to accentuate what has already been and bring vitality to what is ahead.

Courage, Love and Legacy | Points to Ponder

As I sit with an array of hopes and dreams before me, some still whimsical, some refined by reality... I wonder what are your hopes and dreams? Are there ones that you have given up on? Are there some that still burn as brightly as when you first lit them? What gaps exist between your reality and your hopes? Is that space between filled with disappointment or faith?

Take some time to reflect on your own life aspirations and consider how you might use your time to align your choices in that direction.

It was a big step of faith for our family to journey across the world to fulfill a dream of mine. It has brought both joy and disappointment and I have discovered that dreams in themselves are not and never will be the destination… it is always about the journey and how we position our hearts on the path forward.

Be blessed with courage, love and legacy

Kylie

Over the past few years, I have faced and overcome chronic debilitating back pain and Chronic Lymphocytic Leukemia. A case load of activity, as described above, would have completely swamped me. I have had such limited capacity, been exhausted and often merely treading water. But it wasn’t until I finished treatment earlier this year and have felt my energy levels return to normal that I realise just how tired, exhausted and below par I was. There were many instances where I have beaten myself up for not being able to participate and contribute. I’d look at other people, their purpose driven lives, and feel a complete lack on my own part. I’d try to try to say yes to things and find that I’d sink. I’d try and maintain a facade of coping and connecting but it was draining. Comparison to other people wasn’t helpful, but it was the comparison to my pre-cancer self that was the real enemy. I would reflect on all I used to be, all I was capable of, the capacity and energy and zest for life that I once carried and feel such a devastating sense of distance from that person. A sense of loss, loss of potential, loss of possibility, loss of worth. And with a good many years imprisoned in a body that was resistant to and tired by life, my heart and mind started believing this washed out version of reality was all that was left for me.

But it’s not. And that is why I am so energised by the long list of purpose-filled activities on my list for this term. Because I have the energy, motivation and capacity to engage with life again! I had come to believe that the ebbed out version of energy I was living with was my forever normal, completely blind to just how much cancer and then treatment were exhausting me and draining reserves. I know people told me to have grace for myself in that season. I know I tried to accept, embrace and even thrive in a season of significant limitations. And I also know that, deep down, there was a part of me that was frustrated and withering. In the cold and in the dark. Yet here I am. Out of winter and into spring. Energised, full of vitality and bursting with new life. And it feels so good!

In the last season, I wrote a post-it note and put it by the mirror in my bathroom so I’d see it every morning.

It reads “spring is inevitable.”

I needed to be reminded of that daily. Even when I felt that my winter was endless, the beauty of life is that spring does eventually burst forth. The longer I live, the more life that flows under the bridge, the more I know this to be true. Our winter seasons can feel like a real test of endurance, of hope, of faith… and then there’s a moment when we notice those first minuscule, tender, fragile buds, those hope-filled heralds of change! This is what I am witnessing now. Spring is inevitable.

A song for winter seasons

Andrew Peterson wrote a stunning song that captures the aching beauty of our hearts desperate desire to be reborn out of our winter seasons… here’s the lyrics of the last verses…

The Rain Keeps Falling - Andrew Peterson

“My daughter and I put the seeds in the dirt

And every day now we’ve been watching the earth

For a sign that this death will give way to a birth

And the rain keeps falling

Down on the soil where the sorrow is laid

And the secret of life is igniting the grave

And I’m dying to live but I’m learning to wait

And the rain is falling”

There were times I’d sit on my bed and cry as these lyrics wrapped around me, acknowledging the real vulnerability of my heart, yet tenderly offering me the hope that death will give way to a birth. All creation testifies to this truth.

When you’re in a winter season, I’d invite you to take a listen to this song and allow hurt and hope to exist in your heart together. Because spring is inevitable.

Courage, Love and Legacy | Points to Ponder

A few things caught me as I wrote this blog and I’d like to draw your attention to them for deeper reflection…

• Being “busy” - sometime being busy can be a distraction, a way to avoid deeper emotions; overworking and striving can be about performance and a drive for validation; busyness can be a barrier to connection, reflection and rest or a buffer to shield us from other uncertainties. And other times being busy can be a reflection of being passion and purpose fuelled. On the outside, a full calendar can look the same but have very different motivations and implications. We need to know if our being busy is life-giving or draining us. Take a look at your calendar today and reflect on what activities are helping or hindering you to thrive in life. Adjust where necessary.

• Comparison - as humans we always seem to be on alert as to how we compare to others, how we compare to our vision of ourselves, how we compare to societal norms or expectations, how we compare to our expectations of ourselves … the list goes on. Comparison doesn’t usually bring joy. Contentedness does. Being content is about finding peace, security and worth despite what’s going on in our world and the world around us. How do we learn to be content in our current circumstance? Take time to notice what unhelpful comparisons you are making of yourself at the moment. Would you release yourself of them today?

• Winter - when we’re in a tough season our instinct is to get out of it as fast as possible. We can create a lot of stress and tension for ourselves by trying to fight the circumstances we find ourselves in. Yet in nature we notice that often it is winter, it is pressure, it is cold, it is hardship, it is fire that produces the ingredients for beautiful things to birth forth. Consider today, how might you embrace the dark months and the internal growth, change and transformation that occurs during those times more gracefully? How might you cling to the hope of spring while allowing the regenerative rain to fall?

Be blessed with Courage, Love and Legacy

Kylie

Once we clambered along the side of a busy highway and got beyond the disgusting amount of trash carelessly flung from passing cars, we found ourselves surrounded by moss damp, sun-flickering shadows, under the canopy of ancient forests. There was an initiation of freezing feet as we entered this hidden world through icy fresh flowing rapids. And then silence. Stillness. Serenity.

No phones. No notifications. No excess noise vying for our attention.

A barely used pest control track meandered alongside the river; little orange ties hanging limply from trunks were really the only flags we were on the right route. This meant scrambling over, around and sometimes under logs and feeling like intrepid adventurers entering time untouched. Bright blood red mushrooms warned us not to tamper. Feathered fingers of delicate ferns invited a breezy brush. Sun streams and waterfalls drew our eyes skyward in marvel. Awe. Wonder.

No wi-fi. No likes. No bright neon lights dimming our senses.

When we arrived at the canyon, tall hard walls of limestone dwarfed us, contained us, challenged us. To climb. Upward. Evidence of rock climbing in years gone by; little metal pegs and pins on sheer ascents. Then back to what’s in reach, splashing turns to swimming; stick throwing turns to leaf boat races. The pure fun of unpretentious play. Childlike. In nature.

This day encapsulates something that is of growing importance for me, for our family, for this generation. Time outdoors. Time spent in authentic connection. Time spent in motion, in the moment, in meandering; no rush, no destination, no distractions. Just togetherness.

When I read the saddening statistics of the anxiety, depression, and hopelessness plaguing the younger generations, my heart yearns for their freedom. Excessive screen time leads to excessive disconnection. Shallow relationships counted by followers not friends leads to fragile facades, easily fractured. Our throw away consumer culture, chews up all that is of value and ditches our hopes and hearts by the wayside. Despite all that we have gone through as a family over the last few years, I’m grateful that my own children are not tightly tethered to technology and have, instead, known a childhood of freedom, of discovery, of adventure, nature, connection, realness.

In this gifted time, Anton and I want to make a difference. To live life’s of purpose. So another one of my missions in this season is to produce a webseries called “Kids Unplugged” - a series that champions children who choose the wild over wi-fi. It is our hope to share stories of positive role models for families to aspire to. We’ll show that thriving childhoods don’t happen behind screens — they happen outside, unplugged, and together. We're aiming to film our first series this winter - five episodes starting in the Bay of Plenty (& then hopefully beyond). To make it happen we do need financial support for the production costs and have set up a crowd funding campaign (which is already 50% of the way there!). The more we raise, the more we can do — and the less we carry personally as a family to make this happen. If you’d believe children need “more airtime and less screentime”; to rediscover a play-based childhood, we’d absolutely love your support in getting our vision of Kids Unplugged off the ground. Here’s a link for more information. And please feel free to share it with others, the more people behind it, the greater impact we can have.

And it’s not just our children who need this. Technology has taken over so much of our adult lives. But it's not really what we yearn for is it? If we take a moment to connect with our feelings rather than our phones, we’d soon realise we are desperately craving something authentic, real and wholly satisfying. And that which we seek will never be found in the quick fix of a scroll, it’s more likely discovered in a gentle unplugged stroll.

Courage, Love and Legacy | Points to Ponder

I’m thankful for the days when we carve out time for what’s most important in life. There are so many things vying for our attention, but distraction is a great deception. It’s easy to get lost and overwhelmed by the daily demands. So take time this week to plan doing something different, something intentional, something memorable that you can enjoy with your loved ones. Be purposeful about choosing enriching, soul-nourishing moments. We are all living in gifted time. Let’s make more space for awe and wonder.

Be blessed with Courage, Love and Legacy

Kylie

I don’t think I had fully appreciate how debilitated I was, until, recently. A few weeks after finishing treatment, I was running around on the grass, playing football with my youngest son, Ezra. It suddenly dawned on me - I had been running around for over half an hour! No problem. An abundance of laughter and fun. No strenuous puffing. No tagging out because I was knackered. In fact, over the last two years, I would never have even attempted kicking a ball around. I just hadn’t realise how restricted my life had become.

Now that I can run around, I’m racing to fill in as much fit time as I can! I know how important a healthy, strong body is for the journey ahead. I also know what it is to have one that keeps throwing curve balls at me. Before cancer, I was crippled by chronic back pain for ten years. But I beat that too and climbed a mountain to prove it.

So what does one do with gifted time, when you find yourself able to run (or a least jog) again? As one who never seems to settle for simple, I’ve taken up Taekwondo! Anton, Malachi and Judah all graduated to black belts last year, and Ezra is not far behind, a green belt at seven years old. For the last seven years, every Monday and Thursday evening, they have headed out the door together, and I have stayed behind because I have a body that would break.

Now on Monday and Thursday nights, I step out the door with them. And my body has not broken yet. Our Master Tama (& Anton, our instructor) serve up an intense regime: we warm up with army-like drills, then there’s power punching and kicking, patterns are practiced with precision with regular push ups (on knuckles) and sit-ups (optional legs vertical in the air) are routinely imposed for the smallest of missteps. Everything aches and burns. Sweat drips off any adult game enough to try.

We have a booming club with members ranging from 4yrs old to 51yrs. There are six adult students who are crazy enough to crunch with the kids. And it’s fantastic. I started with trepidation, wondering how my body would respond to the drills, the reverberations from punching the pads, the body contortions required to accurately block and kick. It’s a no contact sport during practice, so I won’t be fighting any time soon (or probably ever), but it’s great for fitness, balance, muscle memory, strength and core. I’m feeling so physically invigorated, capable and challenged for the first time in years. It is both humbling and healing.

My favourite part though? Doing it with our family. Every time I sprint or jump or burpee beside one of my boys, my heart glows. My boys and my husband are generous with their smiles and their encouragement. They’ve walked alongside me when I was weak. Now they celebrate this victory over a broken body with me.

Anton inspired me when he became a black belt at fifty. He runs hills (every day), he ice baths (every morning), he stretches (every night). He says he’s just trying to be as fit and healthy as my dad (who, until recently, was still training for and competing in IronMan in his mid-60’s). I also believe Anton’s deliberately keeping himself strong for me. And I’m thankful.

Now I want to be strong again. I want to be in the best shape I can be. I want to rise again after the last punch and kick back. I want the devil to know that I may be hard pressed on every side, but I am not crushed; life may be uncertain, but I will not despair; I might have been struck down, but I have not been destroyed. I will rise again. Every time. With courage, with love and with legacy in my heart.

Courage, Love and Legacy | Points to Ponder

Physical health is important. It is often taken for granted and under-appreciated. We value it all the more when it is periodically or indefinitely impacted. You don’t have to join a Taekwondo club to stay fit and healthy, but I highly recommend tending to your body. It’s a worthy part of your being and a wonderful gift.

• Pause for a beat. Breathe. Connect with your being. Pay attention to your energy levels; take a breath; what is your body communicating to you in this moment? What does it need from you today?

• What does caring for, nurturing, strengthening your body look like for you?

• What is a physical activity you could do today to feel fully alive, invigorated, fit and healthy?

In this season of gifted time I am choosing to care for my body, by walking, by dancing, by stretching, by strengthening, by taekwondo training. By believing I can bounce back. And so can you.

Be blessed with Courage, Love and Legacy

Kylie

One of the goals I’m motivated this year is to publish a small devotional book, maybe two, all going well. These books are born out of the pain and purpose I journeyed through last year. They share the musings, meditations, scriptures, prayers, and reflections with which Jesus led me out of a dark, desolate place to this place of hope, healing, nourishment and inspiration.

The gift of life…

As an Easter gift, I’d like to share with you one of the personal reflections from my manuscript (a sneak peak if you like) …

“In 2024, I began a treatment regimen to target and destroy the cancer that was overwhelming my blood. My first infusion was days before Easter and I found this both significant and profound:

My blood was tainted with a destructive disease, and I needed an infusion of healing. An infusion designed to cleanse me, give me life, and bring me hope.

It felt metaphorical of our human condition.

Humanity is tainted by a destructive disease, that divides us, severs relationships, hurts and hinders us. We ache at the brokenness that surrounds us; we all need a healing infusion. To cleanse us, give us life, and bring us hope.

And so, last year, as we journeyed through that Easter, remembering Jesus’ death and resurrection, I felt an overwhelming desire for an infusion from Him. Of His life. His love. An exchange of all that was polluted in me, for all that is perfect in Him.

When I look at the word and definition of ‘infuse’ my mind will always go to that chair in the hospital where I had my infusions. The place of exchange. The place of my body’s restoration, revival, renewal. The treatment was designed to permeate my whole being, delivering healing throughout my body, filling me with something that would put an end to the deadly disease within.

And this image echoes the fullness of what Jesus offers us. Would we sit with Him in the place of exchange? In the place of healing, redemption, restoration? Would we invite Him to permeate our whole being; to affect health throughout our body, minds, and spirits; to pour in His mercy, grace, love, peace; to fill us with His light that will put all darkness to flight?

This is what it means to get our life from Jesus. To have a direct line that continually infills us with Him.”

For me, this musing of mine captures the essence of what we celebrate at Easter. The gift of life we receive through Jesus. He has been my very real lifeline through an incredibly difficult season. And my heart beats with gratitude to Him.

I understand not everyone reading these blogs put their faith in Jesus. Thank you for allowing me to share something very precious, vital and vulnerable with you. In many ways, this is what it means to live in “gifted time” - to live without taking a single breath for granted, to pursue purpose wholeheartedly and to allow courage to shape the time we’re given.

Another little gift…

Speaking of gifts: here’s another little something I’d like to leave you with today…
Andrew Peterson is a favorite musician (& author) of mine. At this time of year, I enjoy listening to his “Resurrection Letters” albums … if you’re seeking a few songs to soak in or discover the message of Easter this weekend, I’d highly recommend these …

Enjoy my friends!

Courage, Love and Legacy | Points to Ponder

During this celebration of redeemed and renewed life, take time to acknowledge both sorrow and celebration, uncertainty and hope, loss and love.

• Consider areas of your life that need an infusion of hope, love, care, peace, grace. Would you place them in the hands of a loving Father to breathe life on?

• What gifts of life and love have you received, that you are deeply grateful for? Offer thankfulness as your response.

Be blessed with Courage, Love and Legacy

Kylie