Chasing dreams
Sometimes life doesn't turn out the way we imagined it would. It takes courage to consider the gap between our hopes and our reality and allow faith to fill the gap.
Since as long as I can remember, I have wanted to travel to and work with remote, desolate communities; fight injustice, poverty and persecution. As a child I wrote a confrontational letter to Arnold Schwarzenegger about the excess of purchasing six Hummer vehicles and the numbers of starving children he could instead be feeding; as a teenager I led the World Vision 40hr famine drive at our school and imagined being a journalist in the refugee camps of Rwanda; I studied Communications in order to bring vital stories back to our complacent, comfortable homes. To inspire action and change. I’ve had a heart that has wanted to be free from the prison of plastic materialism we’re surrounded by and chase after things of real value. I’ve had opportunities to pursue these dreams in part, but also, along the way, these aspirations have been refined by life and the ideological dreams of my youth have been sidelined by the realities of day to day demands.
In 2010, I heard of lady, a missionary, Heidi Baker, who has living out all I had imagined, in the war torn, famine ridden, orphan-full streets of Mozambique and my heart leapt. She was witnessing miraculous provision, healings and hope birthed in one of the most destitute places in the world, because she and her husband had been willing to give up everything to serve and love on “the least of these.” When I heard she had opened a school (Iris Harvest Schools), I committed in my heart to one day go there and learn.
Well, between 2010 and now, a lot of neat and not neat things have happened that have meant that dream has been left percolating. Neat things - my three children, rebuild and community development work in Vanuatu and the Pacific, two feature films, setting up home in Pikowai…; not neat things - chronic back pain, covid and cancer. As with all of life, there has been the sweet and the bitter intermingled in each season. Sometimes dreams take their time in manifesting. Sometimes it’s the very process of pursuing dreams that prepares, shapes and refines us. I’ve heard it said “between the promise and the palace is the process.” And yet, despite the passing of time, the triumphs and the struggles, the changes and adjustments in direction, that dream of attending an Iris Harvest School, that commitment, has held firm.
On so, as my year of gifted time dawned, after the cancer treatment of 2024, I said to Anton, this is the year we go! No more waiting. No more delays. And on the 13 Oct, we took flight (30+ hours)to this school. Not to Mozambique (horrific terrorist activity near by has made it too risky to run a school there at the moment), but to an Iris Harvest School in Portugal. It’s both entirely rewarding and wonderful and also somewhat heart breaking.
Each day we are hearing stories from wonderful people who have dedicated their lives to bringing good news to the lost, broken, abused, neglected, enslaved and forgotten all around the world, with such beautiful and profound results. I am humbled by their lives, their visions, their commitment, their grace and their love. And frustrated that my childhood hopes have not found fulfillment in the same way theirs have. That they have, somehow, been waylaid.
And so I sit with a challenge that every student here sits with… what is our ‘gifted time’ used for? Not everyone here has had cancer, but every person here has a finite time on earth. Do we use this time to serve ourselves or others? Do we use it to surround ourselves in comfort and convenience or are we motivated by love for the one with less than ourselves? Obviously, with it being a mission school, most people here are motivated by the same thing, which is really fun. But there are also a lot of families here, people like me, who have been waiting a long time to pursue their dream and have yet to live in the fullness of all they’ve felt for their lives.
One of the most impactful teachings I’ve heard so far was about the gap that exists between our reality and our hopes and dreams. How, in this space between reality and hopes, either disappointment or faith can grow, depending on what we cultivate. This hit home. Over the years my dreams have felt so distant from my reality, and there has been the opportunity for disappointment to strangle my hopes and push them further away. Even being here now, I am faced with the challenge of accepting and grieving the disappointment of deferred dreams and the lack of momentum I feel in those areas. But I mustn’t linger here too long, I must also revitalise hope for the future - have faith that, despite the obstacles, the challenges, the limitations, and the disappointments, there are things worth believing for, believing in. Without vision the people perish.
And so, with six weeks left here at the school, I want to grieve the disappointments of the past and find faith for new dreams, new hopes and aspirations to be born. With the limitations of my life (cancer certainly being one of them), I want to relook at the canvas of my life and dream of new colours and hues to accentuate what has already been and bring vitality to what is ahead.
Courage, Love and Legacy | Points to Ponder
As I sit with an array of hopes and dreams before me, some still whimsical, some refined by reality... I wonder what are your hopes and dreams? Are there ones that you have given up on? Are there some that still burn as brightly as when you first lit them? What gaps exist between your reality and your hopes? Is that space between filled with disappointment or faith?
Take some time to reflect on your own life aspirations and consider how you might use your time to align your choices in that direction.
It was a big step of faith for our family to journey across the world to fulfill a dream of mine. It has brought both joy and disappointment and I have discovered that dreams in themselves are not and never will be the destination… it is always about the journey and how we position our hearts on the path forward.