Kicking back
Life knocked me down, but now it's time to rise again
Leukemia is a blood cancer, so disrupts normal body functions like fighting infection, carrying oxygen, and clotting blood. Before treatment, my white blood cells multiplied out of control, clogging up my blood flow, cramming all available space. My red blood cells (the ones that give you oxygen and energy) and my platelets (the ones that help your blood clot when you get a cut) had dropped well below safe levels. It was hard work just to walk up a flight of stairs. I’d get puffed, my calves would burn! I slept, most afternoons. Not a normal response for an otherwise fit forty year old.
I don’t think I had fully appreciate how debilitated I was, until, recently. A few weeks after finishing treatment, I was running around on the grass, playing football with my youngest son, Ezra. It suddenly dawned on me - I had been running around for over half an hour! No problem. An abundance of laughter and fun. No strenuous puffing. No tagging out because I was knackered. In fact, over the last two years, I would never have even attempted kicking a ball around. I just hadn’t realise how restricted my life had become.
Now that I can run around, I’m racing to fill in as much fit time as I can! I know how important a healthy, strong body is for the journey ahead. I also know what it is to have one that keeps throwing curve balls at me. Before cancer, I was crippled by chronic back pain for ten years. But I beat that too and climbed a mountain to prove it.
So what does one do with gifted time, when you find yourself able to run (or a least jog) again? As one who never seems to settle for simple, I’ve taken up Taekwondo! Anton, Malachi and Judah all graduated to black belts last year, and Ezra is not far behind, a green belt at seven years old. For the last seven years, every Monday and Thursday evening, they have headed out the door together, and I have stayed behind because I have a body that would break.
Now on Monday and Thursday nights, I step out the door with them. And my body has not broken yet. Our Master Tama (& Anton, our instructor) serve up an intense regime: we warm up with army-like drills, then there’s power punching and kicking, patterns are practiced with precision with regular push ups (on knuckles) and sit-ups (optional legs vertical in the air) are routinely imposed for the smallest of missteps. Everything aches and burns. Sweat drips off any adult game enough to try.
We have a booming club with members ranging from 4yrs old to 51yrs. There are six adult students who are crazy enough to crunch with the kids. And it’s fantastic. I started with trepidation, wondering how my body would respond to the drills, the reverberations from punching the pads, the body contortions required to accurately block and kick. It’s a no contact sport during practice, so I won’t be fighting any time soon (or probably ever), but it’s great for fitness, balance, muscle memory, strength and core. I’m feeling so physically invigorated, capable and challenged for the first time in years. It is both humbling and healing.
My favourite part though? Doing it with our family. Every time I sprint or jump or burpee beside one of my boys, my heart glows. My boys and my husband are generous with their smiles and their encouragement. They’ve walked alongside me when I was weak. Now they celebrate this victory over a broken body with me.
Anton inspired me when he became a black belt at fifty. He runs hills (every day), he ice baths (every morning), he stretches (every night). He says he’s just trying to be as fit and healthy as my dad (who, until recently, was still training for and competing in IronMan in his mid-60’s). I also believe Anton’s deliberately keeping himself strong for me. And I’m thankful.
Now I want to be strong again. I want to be in the best shape I can be. I want to rise again after the last punch and kick back. I want the devil to know that I may be hard pressed on every side, but I am not crushed; life may be uncertain, but I will not despair; I might have been struck down, but I have not been destroyed. I will rise again. Every time. With courage, with love and with legacy in my heart.
Courage, Love and Legacy | Points to Ponder
Physical health is important. It is often taken for granted and under-appreciated. We value it all the more when it is periodically or indefinitely impacted. You don’t have to join a Taekwondo club to stay fit and healthy, but I highly recommend tending to your body. It’s a worthy part of your being and a wonderful gift.
Pause for a beat. Breathe. Connect with your being. Pay attention to your energy levels; take a breath; what is your body communicating to you in this moment? What does it need from you today?
What does caring for, nurturing, strengthening your body look like for you?
What is a physical activity you could do today to feel fully alive, invigorated, fit and healthy?
In this season of gifted time I am choosing to care for my body, by walking, by dancing, by stretching, by strengthening, by taekwondo training. By believing I can bounce back. And so can you.